I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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