Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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