Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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