The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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