Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
