Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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