The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
