You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
