I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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