Your tits are I can't wait for
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Of course I have a pirate flag
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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