well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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