You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
