it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
