You're completely useless in the revolution.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
