The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
