Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
