I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
