seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
