k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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