Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
