I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
