Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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