Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
