i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
