While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
