i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
