You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
