I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
