first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
