She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
