Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
