Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
