I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
