Nicole vs. Life
even my farts smell like vagina
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
