the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
