just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
