he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
