where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
