I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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