Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
