I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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