I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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