It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
