she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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