Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
