you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
