I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
