Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
