Christians are straight up FREAKS
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
