i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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