don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
