what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
