You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He shit in the fireplace
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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