Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
