i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
