Can i not drive my cunt home
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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