How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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