woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
