So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
