Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
