Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
