8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
